Domestic Abuse: Knowing the Warning Signs, and Escaping a Dangerous Situation

Did you know that Domestic Violence Estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend to 3 million women who are physically abused by their husband or boyfriend per year?
(U.S. Department of Justice, Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, March 1998. The Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman’s Lifespan: 1998 Survey of Women’s Health, 1999)

Sadly, it is an issue that stands the test of time. There are so many warning signs, but unless we make ourselves aware, and reach out to others who may need us, the cycle of abuse will continue to go unbroken. It just makes me mad to read a news article, or watch a story of some poor man or women who was shot or stabbed to death as a result of domestic violence, only to have witnesses come forward and say, “This wasn’t the first time so and so has done something like that,” “The warning signs were there,” or “I’ve seen her with black eyes, or bruises on several occasions.” To those people I want to say, “Why?”

"Why did you not do anything?"

There are those that may argue:

1. “It wasn’t my business…..”

2. “They would not have left the person…..”

3. “I can’t help someone who does not want to be helped…..”

4. “I just don’t want to get involved……..”

To those I say:

1. “Imagine if you were in the other person’s shoes, will it become your business when they are bleeding on your door step?”

2. “You don’t know unless you try!”

3. “Maybe all it could take is one person to show the victim that someone cares to gain the courage to get out of a dangerous situation.”

4. “All it could take is one anonymous phone call to a Domestic Abuse Hotline.”

In 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. The same year, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner. Intimate partner homicides accounted for 30% of the murders of women and 5% percent of the murders of men.
(Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003. Bureau of Justice Statistics, Intimate Partner Violence in the U.S. 1993-2004, 2006.)

The First step to stopping Domestic Abuse dead in its tracks is knowing and recognizing the warning signs!

According to www.thesafespace.org, The below are the top 10 warning signs of Domestic Violence in your partner or significant other:

• Extreme jealousy
• Constant insults or ridicule
• Telling you what you can and can’t do
• Financial Control
• Possessiveness or controlling behavior
• Making false accusations
• Keeping you from seeing or talking with family and friends
• History of abusive behavior, especially against a former dating partner
• Big mood swings
• Explosive temper
• Belief that abuse is acceptable in relationships

Want to Find out if you are in a Healthy Relationship?

Take the Healthy relationship Quiz.....

The Second step to stopping Domestic Abuse, is realizing that you have other options, and reaching out for Help.

Know your self-worth! You are a valuable Human Being and no one deserves to be mistreated, be it emotional or physical.

If I could say ten things to someone that is going thru Domestic Violence it would be....

1. “You are not alone, there are hotlines, churches, shelters, co-workers, neighbors, family members or friends, who are there for you, all you have to do is let them help you. Speak up! They may not even know that you are going through what you are going through, and in some cases they may know what you are hiding, but they need you to take the initiative to get out!”

2. “No one has the right to make you feel less than what you are!”

3. “Black eyes and bruises are not love!”

4. “Domestic Violence can end your life!”

5. “(If children are involved) your babies know your pain, and hurt just as much as you do, they may grow up thinking it’s ok for someone to treat them this way.”

6. “The Cycle can end two ways, Death, or the courage to walk away.”

7. “Continuing to be subject to the same abuse and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.”

8. “No matter how many apologies, gifts or, promises to do better, you cannot make someone else change, only they can.”

9. “People intervene because they love you, not because they want to control your life, being in a domestic abuse situation, is already letting someone else control your life for you.”

10. “It is not your fault, and the sooner you make the educated decision to save your life (yes this is a life or death situation), the better your life will be.”

Project Speak Out 10 Steps to Ending Domestic Violence